A biker was riding along a California beach when suddenly the sky clouded above his head and, in a booming voice, the Lord said, "Because you have TRIED to be faithful to me in all ways, I will grant you one wish." The biker pulled over and said, "Build a bridge to Hawaii so I can ride over anytime I want."
The Lord said, "Your request is materialistic. Think of the enormous challenges for that kind of undertaking. The supports required to reach the bottom of the Pacific! The concrete and steel it would take! It will nearly exhaust several natural resources. I can do it, but it is hard for Me to justify your desire for worldly things. Take a little more time and think of something that could possibly help mankind."
The biker thought about it for a long time Finally he said, "Lord, I wish that I and all men could understand our wives. I want to know how she feels inside, what she's thinking when she gives me the silent treatment, why she cries, what she means when she says nothing's wrong, and how I can make a woman truly happy."
The Lord replied, "You want two lanes or four on that bridge?."
Friday, March 16, 2012
Joke #2
Jesus Christ is dying on the cross, his disciples are gathered around, crying. Peter looks up and notices that Jesus seems to be calling him, "Peter, come hither!"
Immediately Peter rushes over to the cross, only to be hit severely over the head by the roman guard. He gets on his feet again and wants to return to the other disciples when he hears Jesus calling again, "Peter, come hither!"
So, again Peter tries to climb the cross to get to his lord, when the roman soldier draws his sword and chops Peter's arm off. Peter is getting a little pissed and wants to go back to his buddies, but again Jesus summons. The roman guard can't believe that Peter is trying yet AGAIN to climb to the cross, and chops off another arm. Peter is now covered in blood and demented from the blow to the head and wants to call it a day. Jesus hoarsly croaks, "Peter, please, come to me!"
By now, the roman guard is tired of chopping limbs, so he lets Peter be. The faithful disciple struggles to climb the cross (without arms mind you) and after a long while he finally arrives at his Lord's side. Hurting, suffering, bleeding, Peter looks into his Master's eyes and asks, "yes, my Lord. What is it?" Jesus smiles lovingly and looks off into the distance as a weak smile plays across his face, "Look Peter, I can see your house from here!"
Immediately Peter rushes over to the cross, only to be hit severely over the head by the roman guard. He gets on his feet again and wants to return to the other disciples when he hears Jesus calling again, "Peter, come hither!"
So, again Peter tries to climb the cross to get to his lord, when the roman soldier draws his sword and chops Peter's arm off. Peter is getting a little pissed and wants to go back to his buddies, but again Jesus summons. The roman guard can't believe that Peter is trying yet AGAIN to climb to the cross, and chops off another arm. Peter is now covered in blood and demented from the blow to the head and wants to call it a day. Jesus hoarsly croaks, "Peter, please, come to me!"
By now, the roman guard is tired of chopping limbs, so he lets Peter be. The faithful disciple struggles to climb the cross (without arms mind you) and after a long while he finally arrives at his Lord's side. Hurting, suffering, bleeding, Peter looks into his Master's eyes and asks, "yes, my Lord. What is it?" Jesus smiles lovingly and looks off into the distance as a weak smile plays across his face, "Look Peter, I can see your house from here!"
Joke
A man appears before St. Peter at the pearly gates. "Have you ever done anything of particular merit?" St. Peter asks.
"Well, I can think of one thing," the man offers. "Once, on a trip to the Black Hills, out in South Dakota, I came upon a gang of high-testosterone bikers who were threatening a young woman.
I directed them to leave her alone, but they wouldn't listen. So I approached the largest and most heavily tattooed biker.
I smacked him on the head, kicked his bike over, ripped out his nose ring and threw it on the ground, and told him,
'Leave her alone now or you'll answer to me.'"
St. Peter was impressed.
"When did this happen?"
"Just a few minutes ago."
"Well, I can think of one thing," the man offers. "Once, on a trip to the Black Hills, out in South Dakota, I came upon a gang of high-testosterone bikers who were threatening a young woman.
I directed them to leave her alone, but they wouldn't listen. So I approached the largest and most heavily tattooed biker.
I smacked him on the head, kicked his bike over, ripped out his nose ring and threw it on the ground, and told him,
'Leave her alone now or you'll answer to me.'"
St. Peter was impressed.
"When did this happen?"
"Just a few minutes ago."
You are Unique
“Yet you made him but a little lower than God, and you have crowned him with glory and honor.” (Psalm 8:5 AMP)
You don’t realize how unique and valuable you are — none of us do. The reason you are so vulnerable to the fear of dejection is because you’re full of self-doubt. That’s why when criticized by another person, deep down inside, you have the doubt and fear that they’re right. So it hurls even more.
The effect of sin is always insecurity. The more we sin, the more insecure we become. When someone ignores you at a party, you might say, “They must not like me!” Maybe they just didn’t even see you there. But because you were seeing through the eyes of fear, you were vulnerable.
What’s the antidote to the fear of rejection? The antidote is to put God in first place. Second, you put people in their place by putting their opinions in the right perspective. Then, you must accept what God says about you.
Yet you made him but a little lower than God, and you have crowned him with glory and honor.” (Psalm 8:5 AMP). You were created by God, and God does not make junk.
Not only were we created by God, but Christ made us acceptable — not because of what we’ve done, because we could never be good enough to be acceptable to a perfect God. Ephesians 1:4 says, “For he chose us in him before the creation of the world to be holy and blameless in his sight” (NIV). Jesus Christ died on the cross, paid for all our sins, and covered us with his love. God looks down at you and says, “What Jesus did was acceptable. You are acceptable.” All you have to do is accept what he’s done for you.
You were created by God. Christ has made you acceptable. It doesn’t matter what you say about yourself; it doesn’t matter what other people say about you. If God says you’re OK, then you’re OK.
No matter who rejects you, God never will.
You don’t realize how unique and valuable you are — none of us do. The reason you are so vulnerable to the fear of dejection is because you’re full of self-doubt. That’s why when criticized by another person, deep down inside, you have the doubt and fear that they’re right. So it hurls even more.
The effect of sin is always insecurity. The more we sin, the more insecure we become. When someone ignores you at a party, you might say, “They must not like me!” Maybe they just didn’t even see you there. But because you were seeing through the eyes of fear, you were vulnerable.
What’s the antidote to the fear of rejection? The antidote is to put God in first place. Second, you put people in their place by putting their opinions in the right perspective. Then, you must accept what God says about you.
Yet you made him but a little lower than God, and you have crowned him with glory and honor.” (Psalm 8:5 AMP). You were created by God, and God does not make junk.
Not only were we created by God, but Christ made us acceptable — not because of what we’ve done, because we could never be good enough to be acceptable to a perfect God. Ephesians 1:4 says, “For he chose us in him before the creation of the world to be holy and blameless in his sight” (NIV). Jesus Christ died on the cross, paid for all our sins, and covered us with his love. God looks down at you and says, “What Jesus did was acceptable. You are acceptable.” All you have to do is accept what he’s done for you.
You were created by God. Christ has made you acceptable. It doesn’t matter what you say about yourself; it doesn’t matter what other people say about you. If God says you’re OK, then you’re OK.
No matter who rejects you, God never will.
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